Tale of Two Homes

By GabbyPA Latest Reply 2017-12-25 13:32:53 -0600
Started 2017-12-21 06:30:15 -0600

Divorce is a part of many people's lives now a days. If you or your parents are not, chances are you know at least one person who has separated from their spouse. It's not easy in most cases and the kids are the ones that often are the glue that keeps matters sane.

I read this article: https://asweetlife.org/diabetes-and-divorce-m... expecting a horror story, but it really isn't. It is how 3 people work together, keeping the child's welfare in mind first. Good parents.

But what happens when you have spite or revenge on your mind? How does that affect the child in the middle and their care? Sadly, I have an example of this in my circle of family/friends. The child is not diabetic, but if he was I could not even begin to imagine the damage being done.

This scenario is Mom, not really very responsible, but a nurse and wants to do good by feeding her young one healthy foods for the most part. She doesn't spend much quality time with him, however. Dad, also not very responsible, but lives with other presumed responsible family members such as brother and mom. He's a doting dad, loves his little boy.

Here is where the twist comes in, the yin and yang that do not share harmony. Mom focuses on healthy eating habits, while dad, with the aid of the family do the exact opposite. On purpose and with malicious intent. When it first started happening it was kind of cute, just little things like giving him blue m&m's. But it has grown into returning him to mom so keyed up on junk food and sugar that I finally had to make my voice heard. Not that it did any good. But wow. This little boy is only two, so this is not him doing the "playing". It is very sad.

So in a divorced or separated family, how do diabetic children fare, I wonder? Do parents put aside the pettiness and put the child first? Or does one get played against the other. Things like "mom lets me eat this" or "dad gives me these treats", just to push the envelope as kids often do.

Are there any of you who are raising a shared child who is diabetic? It's hard enough to do it as a single family unit. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be with shared custody.

3 replies

Dr Gary
Dr GaryCA 2017-12-24 20:20:40 -0600 Report

Gabby, this is a really important topic. I so often talk with clients who are in the midst of divorce proceedings, or are recently divorced, and I hear and see the evidence of children being used as pawns as they continue to do anything possible to exact revenge on each other. I hear about children being told horrible things by one parent about the other. I have also seen food being used as a way to punish, one parent against the other. It's really tragic. I always encourage my clients to keep their children out of the line of fire, to treat them with love, to do what's best for them always. Some parents listen, some don't. I can only imagine what this could mean with a child who has a chronic condition like diabetes. I always hope adults will behave as adults, and do everything possible to help their children have a healthy childhood, physically and emotionally. Children are so often the innocent bystanders, caught in the line of fire.

GabbyPA 2017-12-25 13:32:53 -0600 Report

I too, had what most would consider a "TV" perfect childhood. I cannot even imagine what horrors go on, and that is why I just really started to wonder. A two year old who is type 1 diabetic would be in peril if things like the above went on. Where is respect when it comes to working together to raise a child? I did really like the article because it speaks of the triangle of people who care for the child in that case. But I am sure, it is more of an exception than the rule, sadly.

msann 2017-12-21 12:19:00 -0600 Report

the situation doesnt sound good my daughter going through that but my grand kids are 23 and 18 both in college maybe they can talk to someone for the child sake pastor mentor maybe get some friends together for intervention sounds really sad please keep me updated good luck

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